We Only Have Ourselves to Fear

Recently, the husband received an email with a powerpoint presentation about how amazing it is that children of the 70s and 80s managed to survive to adulthood. The presentation listed all the things that parents allowed their children to do and all the freedom that they used to enjoy. The most basic things that the parents of today try their best to protect their children from such as walking alone to a neighbour's house or to school or even to the bus stop, sharing food and drinking cups, climbing trees and generally spending time outdoors exploring, making mischief and getting hurt. All the things that me, da husband and most of our childhood friends did when we were young.

So, with the thought that we soon will have someone to be paranoid over, we asked ourelves why are parents now so protective and afraid of almost everything? And yet, at the same time, they allow their impressionable kids to watch movies with occasionally gory scenes, heavy sexual connotations and foul language, play violent video and computer games and go online for hours on end.

I'm not pretending to know any better, heck I'm probably the most ill-equipped person when it comes to having this baby but more and more questions come to mind and I just wonder.

Why are we so afraid? What are we so afraid of? Sexual predators? Drunk drivers? Kidnappers?

And then I come across stories like the one below and I realise we have more to fear from our children at times more than adult criminals.

By RAMIT PLUSHNICKMASTI,Associated Press Writer AP - Monday, February 23

WAMPUM, Pa. - Fifth-grader Jordan Brown boarded the bus and headed to school like he did most other mornings in this rural western Pennsylvania community.

But before he left home on Friday, authorities say, the 11-year-old boy had shot his father's pregnant fiancee in the back of the head as she lay in bed. He then put his youth model 20-gauge shotgun back in his room before going out to catch his bus, police say.

Brown was charged Saturday as an adult in the death of 26-year-old Kenzie Marie Houk, who was eight months pregnant, Lawrence County District Attorney John Bongivengo said. Houk's fetus died within minutes due to a lack of oxygen, Lawrence County Coroner Russell Noga said.

Houk's family and friends, who gathered at her parents' house Saturday night, told The Associated Press that there had been past problems with the boy.

"He actually told my son that he wanted to do that to her," said Houk's brother-in-law, Jason Kraner. "There was an issue with jealousy."

Pennsylvania State Police found Houk's body in the rented farmhouse after her 4-year-old daughter told tree cutters on the property she thought her mother was dead, Bongivengo said.

The boy told police there was a black truck on the property that morning _ possibly the man who feeds the cows _ sending investigators to follow a false lead for about five hours, Bongivengo said. Inconsistencies in Brown's description of the truck led police to re-interview Houk's 7-year-old daughter, who implicated the boy in the killing, Bongivengo said. State troopers went to get the boy at school.

"She didn't actually eyewitness the shooting. She saw him with what she believed to be a shotgun and heard a loud bang," Bongivengo said. The gun was found in a "location we believe to be in the defendant's bedroom."

Brown was arraigned and was being held in the Lawrence County Jail, with a preliminary hearing scheduled for Thursday.

"An 11-year-old kid _ what would give him the motive to shoot someone?" said Houk's father, Jack Houk. "Maybe he was just jealous of my daughter and the baby and thought he would be overpowered."

Defense attorney Dennis Elisco said he plans to ask Monday for the boy to be released on bail and for the case to moved to juvenile court. Elisco and police said they had no clear motive for the shooting.

Elisco said he is waiting to see physical evidence that ties his young client to the killing.

"I don't think he knows what's going on," he said. "I walked out of there thinking he was innocent. I believe Jordan did not do this."

The boy's father, Christopher Brown, is "a mess" and had no indication his son had a problem with Houk, Elisco said.

"He's in a state of actual shock and disbelief," he said.

The shotgun used is designed for children and has a shorter arm and such weapons do not have to be registered, Bongivengo said. Jack Houk, 57, said the boy and his father used to practice shooting behind their farmhouse, and the two enjoyed going hunting together.

Wampum is about 45 miles northwest of Pittsburgh.

What kind of world is this when we have weapons, deadly weapons, that is specially designed for children? Who would be so out of his mind to produce weaponry that is available and legal for CHILDREN to use under the cover of hunting sport? As far as I'm concerned, hunting is not and never wll be a sport.

Sport is something one engages in to encourage the spirit of sportsmanship, friendship, comradeship and cooperation that extends beyond the human species. Sports should also encourage empathy, generosity, kindness and respect for one another. I doubt hunting teaches much else apart from seeing animals as an object to kill and not out of need but out of fun. It is fun to kill. And now children have the shotgun that has been specially designed to allow them this fun.

I am absolutely disgusted by the actions of this boy and the circumstances and environment that he was surrounded by prior to these horrific events. No action that the deceased woman could have done against the boy earned her this punishment while in a vulnerable situation and which involved an even more defenceless life.

Looking at another life as simply an object is a growing problem among our young. Such apathy for life as demonstrated by all the senseless killings done by seemingly younger and younger kids! The possibility of encountering a sexual predator or a kidnapper, I believe, is a lot lower than an encounter with emotionally or physically abusive children also known as bullies, a child deeply fascinated by objects of torture or pain as more and more of these images permeate into the very environment that is supposed to nurture and educate the child or even peer pressure that encourages the early cultivation of of habits such as drinking, smoking and casual sex.

I am afraid for my future children. Not with the idea that someone may take my child while he or she is on a walk alone on the way to school. We can always teach our children to be aware of adult strangers. But how does one teach one's child to be aware of other children? How do we tell them that it may be their very friends or peers that will lead them to danger and pain and that the most danger comes from what is the most enjoyable in their young minds?

A big dilemma to me and my child is not even born yet. But these are questions and issues that never really entered my mind while I was living in the protected and relatively safe bubble called Singapore. But the longer I live in this land of snow and observe all that is around me and begin to truly fathom what I've only ever seen on tv or read in articles. It's not that this is an unsafe place. On the contrary, Sweden is a very safe and child friendly country...but it is still a western country with western cultural roots some of which I do not wish my children to be influenced by but such is the world and with that I must face my future as a parent.

Where's Sussie?

As most would know by now, Sussie my cat is black. Really black with big green eyes. The husband and I have gotten used to the fact that Sussie is a little kookoo, has a tendency to stare into nothing for long periods of time before settling down into a nap and thinks quite often that she is being chased.

Anyway, back to the black. The fact that Sussie is black can make it a little difficult sometimes to catch sight of her, especially since so much of our interior decor is dark. To make my point. let's play a game ala Where's Wally?.

Sussie can be found in all of the photos below. See how long it takes you to find her. For the husband and I, we have the advantage of almost sitting on her to find her. heh heh...

Laundry day for us but husband dear got distracted by dearest wife on his way to carry the bundle of dirty laundry to the machine.

She is pretty easy to spot here. Her favourite place to sit and contemplate the meaning of life, possibly.

Towards the end of laundry day, so that means this is a bundle of CLEAN laundry on the sofa. I have a feeling Sussie likes laundry, both clean and dirty.

Another favourite spot for naps and such. Especially on a sunny day.

Nice and sunny. Aaaahh..

Now it's getting a little harder to spot her, right? And don't blame the flash! I used soft flash.

This is a place she loves to be when she wants to nap after the sun has gone down or when she wants to lick herself.

I say she is the hardest to spot here. Trust me, even when I was there, it took me a minute to actually find her. It's even harder when she's napping and curled up like a dead worm.

See what I mean? Plus the fact that she isn't the most talented of cats in terms of meowing, she's like a silent, sleeping ghost just waiting to be sat on. Good thing she's got the quick reflexes of a cat.

Zoning Laws

Since getting pregnant, I've been overwhelmed by all things symptomatic of the first trimester.

Nausea? Check.
Puking? Oooh...check.
Dizzyness? CHECK!
Tiredness? Absolutely. Check.
Backaches? Check and a little more.
Inability to sleep well? Check. (to be honest, I don't even know if this is a symptom)
Sensitivity to smell? Check.

The list goes on and on but these are my main highlights of torture right now. But my point in mentioning this is that because I feel so tired and so bad, I stay in bed most of the day, watching tv, reading or simply thinking (dangerous stuff, if you were me.).

One of the things that I of cos think about is the baby and how it affects my body. Any pregnant woman's body, as a matter of fact. When I met the physiotherapist, he explained that the reason for backaches and especially aches in the hips and joints is due to the fact that my body is acknowledging the fact that a baby is growing inside and needs space. It is also acknowledging the fact that eventually this little troll (yes, that's our nickname for the baby right now) will need to come out. So what does the body do?

Apparently, to allow greater mobility and flexibility in the hips, my hip joints have loosened and spaced out a bit so that my hips can broaden even further and move in a way that it has never been able to before. Wow...I have disjointed hips now. As strange as it may sound, it actually makes sense. How amazing the woman's body is, right?

I started thinking about my own body and all the different functions that the various parts will play before and after birth. So I've decided to divide my body into different zones that caters to the needs and wants of the troll.

The Zones:

The VIP Room (The stomach) - This is where it will be most obvious to others come the 2nd trimester onwards that a woman is pregnant. This is also where food that mother consumes goes to and where the worst battle scars of pregnancy will be (stretchmarks! UGH!). Like any VIP Room, all cuisine that enters must be top notch and with many VIP Rooms, what goes in looking good, may sometimes come out through the entrance instead of the exit, looking and feeling like crap. In terms of the asthetics of the VIP Room, one must ALWAYS ensure careful maintenance with frequent polish and shine (make the anti stretchmark cream your best friend), especially when one starts reaching maximum occupancy.

The B Zone (The womb) - The most important zone before birth cos this is the Baby Zone, where the uterus is and where the baby will grow bigger and bigger. And according to the doctor who examined me, I've got PLENTY of room in my B Zone for the baby to grow in so it's all good to go. Now what I wonder about is how does the doctor figure that out? Does she spread my Red Zone (we'll come to that), look in and if an echo comes back when she talks, it's spacious? I'm starting to feel like a piece of real estate now.

The Red Zone (Birth Canal/as what my mummy would call it, the Flower) - The reason why this is called the Red Zone is simple. Nothing to do with blood or any of the gory stuff you may be imagining. I'm terrified of the actual birth and I KNOW that it will be painful and screaming will be mandatory. Imagine that I will have to squeeze something between a grapefruit and a melon (depending on how much weight it puts on from me)through my red zone!! Just the thought sends chills up my spine and down my disjointed hips. All this pain, anguish and horror culminates neatly into one big, vibrant colour RED.

The Dungeon (The Back and Hips) - From medieval times, the dungeon has always been used for torture and captivity. It is a symbol of pain and misery and of the almost impossible chance of escape. My back has been a source of my pain and misery since the start of this pregnancy and I know that it can only can get WORSE as the baby grows bigger and heavier. Before the troll made its appearance, my remedy for backaches and muscle pains would usually be a dose of the strongest painkillers or muscle relaxants around and a slathering of the most potent and effective muscle cream or even better numbing cream so I can happily drift off into sleep and wake up refreshed and pain-free. But now...all I can take is 2 panadols which does nothing and some cream called Ormsalva (translated snake cream but I think it's just called that to give it a facade of menace) which does not provide the relief it promised. I see no reprieve from the pain until my dear king (ie. husband) comes riding in and fights his way to the dungeon with help from a heating pad and warm towels to give me a glimpse of relief and escape ...aaaaahh....my sweet prince.

The Loading and Unloading Bay (The arms) - It's pretty self explanatory, right? You pick up the baby with your arms, you put the baby down with your arms. You fold up the ridiculously complicated pram that you thought was so cool when you first buy it and carry it into the car with your arms, you unload the pram and unfold it. All within the loading and unloading bay.

The Lunchroom (What else? The breasts) - For the first few months of the troll's life, it will need to come directly to the lunchroom for all meals and snacks. The troll will have choice pick of left side or right and will always be first in line. Unfortunately for the daddy, since he enjoys most of his meals and snacks elsewhere, he will always be last in line to the lunchroom.

The No Fly Zone (The hair and Face) - It is very important for the troll to understand from very early on in life that this is a strict No Fly Zone until it has reached the appropriate age (can be negotiated once eye hand coordination has stabilized). If by any chance, the troll does trespass into this zone, it will be passed on to a nearby Loading Bay where the No Fly Zone rules are less strict (ie. the father). Why? Cos NOBODY messes with the do and the kup. (If you don't know, the hairdo and the makeup. Come on, people, pay attention here!)

These are the various zones that I have so far. I'm sure more will come as the months pass and more needs turn up. But please, do share any other zones that you think should be included. I'd be more than happy to update. *wink*