I was invited to the grandparents in law last week for tea and even though I had to go there alone (husband was at work) along with the mother in law, I had a pretty good time. It's tough interacting with people when there is such a language barrier but we get by with me nodding along and trying to catch words here and there. I get really frustrated with myself cos I simply cannot capture the words when it's spoken so sometimes to understand a particular word they are trying to say to me, I ask them to spell it for me before I get it. And then when I finally understand what they are trying to say, I feel like kicking myself cos I know the word! I just can't capture the meaning when spoken out loud!

IDIOT!

Amazing how big an ass I make of myself when I already have a mega one attached to my rear.
I feel so so frustrated when I have to interact with people now because people can't understand me and vice versa. The amazing thing is that English is apparently one of the 2nd languages and is taught in school from about age 10. And even though I totally understand their reluctance to interact and inability to fluently converse in English cos it's not usually utilised (therefore very rusty English), I still feel frustrated. FRUSTRATED, FRUSTRATED!

I know, I know...I've only been here a little more than 2 months and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But the frustration just builds. And builds and builds. People are generally nice..the ones I get to encounter and interact with...which can be a rare occurence. But with any uncomfortable situation, people tend to shy away and it's the case with both me and these new strangers I meet. We're both uncomfortable with the fact that we hardly understand each other so I can't say what I want to say to them and they tend to speak with the one they can understand, my husband. while I am left to remain silent by his side, smiling like the fool I feel.

I know that I have been in this same language difference situation before and I had managed to flourish, if I may boast a little.

But this time, it feels different. the whole situation is different from before. In Thailand, I had people who are eager to talk to ME. People who are happy to get to know me, speak to me and who do not shy away just because we don't understand each other.
I guess it's really a case of you scratch my back and I scratch yours. I encountered interested people and I became interested in them. I found eager friends who took pains to understand me so I became eager and I took great pains to understand them.

I have yet to find such friends here in Sweden.

All I can do for now is sit and try as hard as I possibly can to understand a language where the lexicon and syntax is so far removed from what I know that I get tired from just trying to pronounce the number 7.

I feel removed from friends and family, I feel removed from the general local population and I'm not exactly sure what to do. Mathias gets the brunt of my frustrations and I pity the man.

I pity the fool who married me and moved me far, far up to the North.

Can you feel the angst dripping from my every pore?