I've Finally Joined The Club

My little bear turns 1 month today. Time truly flies when children are at this small small age. It feels like yesterday we were leaving for the hospital at 5am and before I knew it (probably because I was high on laughing gas. haha!) little Emmalina came out into the world, looking all red, white and grumpy.

Labour was of cos bad but not as bad as I thought it would be, especially the first 48 hours. They were erratic but felt like my normal menstrual pains so even though husband dear wanted to call the hospital, I kept telling him that the contractions are not painful enough to deserve even a call to them. This I kept telling him for 2 days even though I continued to show more and more physical signs that this was the real deal (although my water did not break) and the contractions kept getting closer though still erratic. Finally husband could not take it anymore (him not me) and convinced me that we need to go to the hospital cos we have an hour's drive to get there. And I was glad he got so assertive then as the contractions went into a whole new level of intense as we began our drive.

I am surprised, even to this day, that I managed to get through labour without any medication except the laughing gas. I wonder if the gas qualifies as medication. I suppose so since I would not have had that in days of old.

The laughing gas aka nitrous oxide was a wonderful companion almost throughout my labour in hospital. The first puffs and I could already feel the buzz and a sense of lightness and happiness permeated through my head and body. I felt like a hippie, my eyes glazed over and I was grinning like the village idiot...oh happy days!

Can you tell I was already high here? Yeah baby yeah!

So the gas and the invaluable yoga ball were my main tools of pain relief. Husband dear tried hard not to laugh, I believe, when I started breathing in the gas and bouncing on the ball during a contraction. The speed at which I would bounce was in direct relation to how intense the pain got and the height of the contraction, I was humping that ball like a dog in heat with my head lolling in rythm with my ridiculous bouncing.

I had stated in my birth plan that I was open to trying pain medication like an epidural sometime during labour but not until I deem it absolutely necessary. You know lah, first time mothers to be, can be quite gung ho about trying to give birth au naturell. I'm not sure if I regret putting that down since I did manage it epidural-less but that was mainly because the midwives were very reluctant to administer it to me. They watched me get through my contractions and kept telling me how impressed they were at my breathing techniques and how I got through each contraction so calmly (according to husband, I screamed only once throughout the 15 hours of intense labour and that scream came only at the last push I gave before Emmi emerged). I did not feel calm, I do not even remember not screaming. In Sweden, they seem to strongly encourage the natural way of things and to medicate as little as possible so since the midwives realised I could handle the pain, they kept putting off administering me any other pain relief until it was too late for an epidural. Hai...I guess it was a good thing since I can now say with great pride that I could handle the pain of labour granted I am high on laughing gas.

In the end, as I pushed this little bear out into the world, husband took on the job of holding on to the gas and pushing it into my face at the beginning of every contraction so I could breath it in and PUSH PUSH PUSH! But I have to say, I was super pissed at my contractions. For some strange reason, my contractions actually got shorter so all the progress I made during a contraction pretty much disappeared. It was like taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back and even through the fog of gas and pain, I could tell my small audience of 2 midwives, 1 nursing assistant and husband were a little frustrated that the little bear kept disappearing back up the birth canal. And boy was I pissed cos I could actually feel her emerge but then slip back in the moment the contraction ended. What the hell??!

But my frustration did not last long since I would almost immediately doze off when the contractions tapered off and only wake up when another began and husband pushing the mask into my face. So I felt high and euphoric but at the same time, it was like all I felt were contractions and the baby playing peek a boo down south. Little bear got stuck...twice..big face and shoulders you see, and when things got the most painful, the midwife actually stopped the gas. My gas! My dear dear friend! Gone! And I was left to fend for myself cos the midwife thought I was getting a little too high and me falling asleep in between contractions was not very good. So in the end, I got nothing...bloody nothing! Well, except a little baby girl who came out looking red, squashed and very grumpy. But she filled out nicely in the next few hours and is beautiful and not alienish at all!

Just minutes old and she already looks pissed at the world.

And here at a few hours old, when she managed to fill out a little and not look so squashed together and grumpy.

Little bear and mummy, who eyes are still glazed over and the village idiot grin still has not left her face...thanks to the gas.

So now I've joined the all exclusive club of motherhood where sleep deprivation, ear piercing screams and the feeling of not enough hours in a day are a daily routine. The baby is almost constantly in need of my attention and when she is calm, it's either the husband or the cat that demands it.Hai..well, what to do when everyone wants a piece of my meat.

As my sister in law told me, Welcome to my world.

When the little bear is calm and usually sleepy.

My little bear at 4 weeks old.