I wish I had never gone to see the doctor. It has left me even more dejected, frustrated and feeling even lonelier than before.

It's no secret that I do not fancy any medical staff that I have met so far in Sweden. The medical facilities, although a strange and new system to me, is just something that I will eventually get used. I have no big complaints about healthcare here, purely medically speaking, cos I do believe that they have good facilities available at very affordable costs so that nobody is excluded from medical care they need. But the people that I've encountered while being forced to go through this system leaves me with a really bad taste in my mouth.

Sometimes I wonder what is really the point of going to see the midwife or the obstetrician or the physiotherapist when I don't get the help or the support I need from them? Any of them.

My previous visits to the midwife, the obstretician and for my first ultrasound have done nothing to raise my spirits or excitement about my pregnancy. My own pregnancy has done nothing to raise my spirits or excitement about my pregnancy and baby. I've heard and read so much about how the 2nd trimester is supposed to be the most comfortable period in my entire pregnancy and I'm still waiting for that to happen.

The past few days, i've been hit with excruciating pain in my right hip, leg and butt. I've had these pains before in my 1st trimester but never for this long or this painful. And to make things worse, unlike in the 1st trimester, nothing me or husband do help to relieve the pain. We've tried massage, pain relief creams, hot n cold compresses, walking, standing, sitting and going on all fours, trying to do something else to distract me from the pain, drinking, eating, anything we could think of but nothing worked. The only thing that I noticed was that my worst pains come at night and I had the least pains in the mornings when I had managed to sleep. But as the day progresses, the pains slowly and steadily intensify. And this has been happening the past week or so and all it has done is leave me exhausted, in pain and desperate for help, any sort of help or advise or even a warm or encouraging word to help me get through this ordeal. It helps that husband is there for me but it still feels very lonely when all other voices express neither warmth, encouragement or real support... when and IF I get to hear those voices.

All weekend long, the husband had asked and asked me to let him take me to the hospital to get my leg checked but I refused. I didn't want to drive 45min to the hospital only to be met with indifference and a hospital bill for nothing. I knew it would make me feel even more frustrated in the head and empty in the wallet, so I said no. It was only out of pure desperation for help a few days later that I agreed to call the midwife who made an appointment with the local obstretician who apparently only comes in to see Askersund patients once a week. 'Luckily' for us, she comes on Tuesdays.

From the moment I stepped into her room, I could already sense the scrutiny behind her smiling face. She was watching me very closely to observe how I walked or moved. Having sat us down, the first thing she says was not 'I heard you've been having pains. Can you describe them to me?' which would have been a reasonable thing to ask.

Perhaps it is me and my hormonally hyped up emotions but I did not appreciate her approach of things at all. She turns to me and immediately asks, 'You have requested for an extra consultation. Can you tell me why?'

Suddenly I feel like I'm in the principal's office being interrogated. Why did she have to phrase it as if I had asked for something extra out of her? Just because I'm seeing her for the 2nd time during my pregnancy suddenly this is all extra? Talk about providing a service to your patient. And to think that I was not asked to explain my pains but to explain why I think I needed this EXTRA consultation. Like I said, maybe I'm just extra sensitive to the way people talk and approach me but I did not like how it was all starting at all.

And through the entire consultation ( I call it consultation cos all she did was sit BACK in her chair and listen to me talk.), she maintained the exact same smile and facial expression even when I was trying to tell her just how bad my pains had been. All this did was give me the impression that she did not take me seriously. I honestly think that she thot all I wanted were pills when what I wanted was not only medication but advice and support. If we did not ask the right questions, we would not get answers from her. It was never her asking questions to get to the bottom of things or giving suggestions of what to do. Am I wrong to think that doctors and nurses are there to help you and guide you as much as they can?

I got more and more upset thinking how bad my pains had been and how unhelpful the doctor was that I burst out crying in her office. Even then, her demeanour did not change much but she finally said she will prescribe some painkillers but to use SPARINGLY and only when needed. I know she's looking out for the baby but shouldn't she also take care of the mother?

UGH! I'm so frustrated! I am so close to just giving up, packing it in and moving back to Sg for the rest of the pregnancy but I also know that doing so will just open up a whole new can of worms for me.

Somebody Help!!! Hai...