The unending afflictions of a wretched mother to be

The past 4 and a half months have not been easy. Some days I can feel so sick and out of it that I start wondering if all this is worth it. Come September, I'll probably look back on this post and exclaim, 'Most definitely!'. But for right now, I just cannot enjoy being pregnant and I truly envy those women out there who experience little to no pregnancy pains and discomfort and are able to truly enjoy the amazing experience of a growing life inside you.

Although the nausea and dizzyness have subsided and my appetite has returned (although not fully normal according to husband), new and more painful symptoms pop up. I keep reading all these pregnancy books and magazines that tell me the 2nd trimester is the least uncomfortable and most enjoyable period in a woman's pregnancy. I'm still waiting!!

I've had bad pains earlier in my 1st trimester in my right leg that runs from the right butt cheek down to the back of my knee. We went to a physiotherapist but since it was so early in the pregnancy, there wasn't much they could do except give some suggestions on how to ease the pain a little. And to some extent, those tips worked. Even if it was for a little while, the pains would be at least somewhat alleviated. And those pains usually come out of nowhere causing a lot of pain but just as suddenly, it can disappear and feel as if nothing had happened.

But over the weekend, my pains have taken on a whole new level of monster. My right hip and back of leg is in such excruaciating pain that I can't sit, stand or lie down without wanting to tear my hair out. Even sitting on the toilet bowl is a nightmare, and just my luck that I now have a little mango pressing constantly on my bladder that I believe may just be the smallest one in the world. So Tubby and I meet up every hour if I'm lucky which also means that I need to move from lying in bed to sitting up to standing and actually having to walk the entire 5 metres from my bedroom to the toilet. Just the thought of it send shivers up my spine as every move not only takes an eternity to achieve but also shoots new tsunamis of pain all through my body.

Sheesh! The amount of effort and pain it takes to grow a baby! The production process was relatively easy and quite enjoyable, to put it mildly (heh heh...) but this whole gestation period is just not doing it for me. And I've still got 21 more weeks of this to go through!!

Sleeping, if I can get any now, helps to ease the pain so in a way I can count my blessings (I take them where I can) that the most severe pains happen at night when I've been awake and mobile for most of the day. Unfortunately that also means that husband dear can't sleep cos he tries so hard to ease my pain with massages (he's no professional but he's not Edward Scissorhands either) and cold and hot compresses (husband's idea of cold compress is pressing a bag of frozen minced beef on my back) or acting as my crutches as I make my arduous journey to the toilet and back.

Husband kept telling me to go to the hospital over the weekend to get it checked out but I promptly shot down his preposterous suggestion. Go to a hospital? On a weekend? In Sweden??? And I'm not bleeding profusely or blue in the face?

You must be out of your mind.

Rewind 2 years when I was still pampered in Singapore by the vast selection of private clinics albeit a tad costlier than a polyclinic and a culture of, if you're sick go see the doctor, I would have plonked myself into a waiting room of the nearest 24-hour clinic at the first sign of trouble.

I don't particularly like doctors, medications and definitely not shots and I'm quite sure I'm not a hypochondriac who runs to the doctor for the slightest headache or fever (unless I don't want to go to work and need an MC of cos). But living in Sweden and having encountered the medical staff and service that I have has really and truly put me off trying to get medical help unless I absolutely, unrefutedly need it. And that is up to subjective evaluation (ie. me and husband having a heated discussion about me being in pain).

It's not the waiting time to actually get an appointment to see a doctor that I dislike, it's not the fact that even if you're running a high fever, have chills and are coughing your lungs dry the nurse on the phone will still tell you to take a couple of panadols, rest and maybe she'll set your appointment in 2 days' time, or even that if you are lucky enough to live in a town that has a medical centre, it's open from 8am to 5pm on weekdays and unless you're bleeding or blue, you're highly discouraged from just dropping into the emergency room. No, I'm not put off by any of that, as a matter of fact, to some extent I can understand their policies. But what I just don't understand is the holier than thou attitude of most medical staff I've met. Just because the nurses and doctors went to school a few more years and took a more challenging line of career, they carry an attitude of I know better and why the hell are you here without an appointment wasting my time?

There's barely any friendliness or empathy in their attitudes, they view patients as healthy unless proven otherwise who are there to waste their precious time unless they actually suffer from a serious, diagnosed illness. And me being me, I don't want to make the 45min drive all the way to the hospital (bcos of cos the local medical centre will not even bother with me so that's not even an option), have to wait a few hours just to be briefly looked at by some bored, under stressed, under motivated doctor who thinks that I MAY be in pain but just how much pain is all in my head and who will tell me, take some panadol, rest and it'll pass. And I can't protest and demand to be taken more seriously cos they are polite and exude a thin veneer of niceness which is unfortunately accompanied by a big dollop of disinterest. I haven't really met any doctor or nurse in Sweden who sits me down and not just ask me what is wrong but also asks me questions that show they are interested to know what is happening to me to make me get into a car and drive 45min to find out what is wrong.

Unfortunately I don't have the same verbal repertoire in Swedish as I would have if I could explain things in English but even then, I would appreciate if someone would just take me seriously for once and not make me feel like whatever pains I have are just NORMAL and WILL PASS. Give me suggestions of what to do until then! Tell me what to avoid! Something!! Don't just tell me it's normal. It does not make me feel better, it makes me feel worse cos then I feel dismissed.

Can you tell just how disappointed and unimpressed I am by the medical care in Sweden? Certainly I cannot say for other doctors and nurses that may extend service of the highest quality and who make their patients feel at ease and informed. Maybe I've just been unlucky.

But one thing I know for sure. I salute my mother for the 4 children she gave life to and all other mothers in the world. You deserve to be on the highest pedestal and now I truly believe why we say the doorway to Heaven is on your mother's feet.