The time is a-coming..

Less than 2 and a half weeks to my due date and time seems to be moving at warp speed. It's probably due in part to my parents being here so I have company during the day and in part to me trying not to think too much about the impending event that is to change my life FOREVER.

Of course husband and I are anxious to meet our little one, boy or girl, and to hold it in our arms and be able to see the tiny little thing that has been causing me such grief for the past 9 months. I have yet to pack my bag for the hospital and I'm not sure why. Everytime I start thinking about packing a nagging little voice in my head keeps saying, nah..you still have some time to pack, don't worry about it! And so my bag stands empty in my room. I keep saying I'm gonna pack I'm gonna pack but I just can't seem to get around to doing it. I'm not stressed or anxious that I'm unprepared for the hospital, I'm not even thinking about it so much now. I don't know why but I'm not thinking too much about the labour process. Sure I'm nervous about how it will be like and the pain that is to come but it doesn't scare me. I'm not in a state of mind where I think it won't hurt so bad or that I'm being overly positive about the whole thing. It's just that I guess this whole thing still hasn't quite hit me yet.

Maybe that is it. It still (even after 9 months) has not hit me that my baby is now full term and at any time, I can go into labour and a baby is to emerge at the end of it all. I see the baby cot, we've already picked up our baby pram, the car seat is standing at attention in its corner, we've gotten our first pack of baby diapers and all the baby clothes are folded and neatly stacked up. And yet, I'm walking around with this voice in my head going, there's still time, there's still time..don't worry about it. Is there something wrong with me?

I know the husband is really excited and anxious and nervous. He rubs my tummy every so often, talks to the baby when it starts moving too much so I can't sleep and smiles that wonderful smile that lights up his eyes and I know that he is happy. This morning I woke up with bad leg cramps. when husband dear came into the room and asked what was wrong and I mumbled, 'Bad leg cramps', his expression changed and he asked, 'Are you sure it's birth cramps?'. Amidst my pain, I had to look up in wonder and repeated, Bad LEG cramps. What did you think I said?? To which he replied, Oooh, I thought you said birth like cramps. You know, you should speak more clearly cos at this point in time, all I'm thinking is if you're in labour. Hai...my dear husband and his concerns.

Life is pretty good right now and for that I am grateful. And YET, I still can't get it into my head that in no more than a month (most likely less), I will be a mother. I don't know what the heck I am doing, I don't know what kind of mother I'm going to be and can only pray that I show I love my child enough that it will not hate me when it gets older. I know I'm just being paranoid and the worry wart that I am but that is me and I'm not sure I can ever change that.

Now we just play the waiting game and look forward to new life and new beginnings.