A year I'll never forget

2009 has been a year of extremes. Never have I gone through a year with more challenges, trials and tribulations and yet which resulted in the most beautiful and miraculous of gifts.

Pregnancy was no walk in the park. Riddled with nausea, pain and numerous other health issues, there were many moments wen I would be crying out loud and wondering if it was all worth it. And now as I hold my 3 month old Emmalina i my arms, I realise that it was. Not that I'm dying to go through it all again. From winter to spring to summer and just as autumn descended upon us, I went through heaven and hell bearing this child. Through it all, I had the support and love of dear husband whom I could tell was trying all he could to make my life just that little bit more bearable when I felt like I wanted to curl into a all and just die. Yes, dramatic as it sounds, my pregnancy was not a wondrous time of anticipation and joy. I hate being pregnant although I to say that the pains I went during my pregnancy really did prepare me for the actual act of childbirth. In the end, it's not the pains of childbirth that haunts me still but the pains of expecting the child. As husband dear once said to me, childbirth seemed to be a walk in the park for me after all I had gone through before.

This year was also the year when friends finally came to visit me which truly lifted my spirits when my spirits needed most lifting. And my parents coming to see what my life is like here in small Askersund and realising and understanding just why neither me or husband want to move away to a bigger town. Unknowingly, this was to be my father's first and last trip to see me, husband dear and his grand daughter.

This was also the year my father passed away after years of struggle with bone cancer and many other health issues. My father, the man who taught me humility, kindness, sincerity, generosity and whose sense of humour and unwaivering trust in people has stopped me from diving into cynism when life deals me a hard blow. His courage, strength and almost superhuman will to live awes and inspires me to bravely face adversity. I've watched this frail, old man go in and out of hospitals, come out of comas and go through painful treatments and operations and despite all that, he would still be able to crack jokes with the medical staff and walk around to all the nurses on the day he gets discharged to thank each and every onewho has helped him through his stay. He has his moments of sadness, frustration, bitchiness and plain dumb stubbornness but he is only human and no man is perfect. I want to remember him, both good and bad and I want to teach my Emmi about her grandfather who only got to hold her once but who loved her so much that he was willing to risk his health and go through hardship just so he could see his granddaughter being born.

I once asked my father if he wanted me to have a baby boy or girl and even though he insisted that it didn't matter as long as the child is healty, he finally did admit that he would love another granddaughter. So I will teach my Emmi about her yayi who loved her and wanted her so much and held on to life with all that he had just so he could see his 'nana'. His Nana. That was the name he gave to Emmi even though everyone calls her Emmi.

I miss my father so much and cannot believe that it has been a month since his passing. I won't be able to hear his voice again or listen to his silly jokes and watch his even sillier antics. But I know my father was a very well-loved man and deserves to be free from his physical pains after such a long fight to be there for his children and grandchildren. It was his time to go and all I can do is pray for him and hope that my prayers and the prayers of many others make it easier for him in the afterlife. Amin.

I've Finally Joined The Club

My little bear turns 1 month today. Time truly flies when children are at this small small age. It feels like yesterday we were leaving for the hospital at 5am and before I knew it (probably because I was high on laughing gas. haha!) little Emmalina came out into the world, looking all red, white and grumpy.

Labour was of cos bad but not as bad as I thought it would be, especially the first 48 hours. They were erratic but felt like my normal menstrual pains so even though husband dear wanted to call the hospital, I kept telling him that the contractions are not painful enough to deserve even a call to them. This I kept telling him for 2 days even though I continued to show more and more physical signs that this was the real deal (although my water did not break) and the contractions kept getting closer though still erratic. Finally husband could not take it anymore (him not me) and convinced me that we need to go to the hospital cos we have an hour's drive to get there. And I was glad he got so assertive then as the contractions went into a whole new level of intense as we began our drive.

I am surprised, even to this day, that I managed to get through labour without any medication except the laughing gas. I wonder if the gas qualifies as medication. I suppose so since I would not have had that in days of old.

The laughing gas aka nitrous oxide was a wonderful companion almost throughout my labour in hospital. The first puffs and I could already feel the buzz and a sense of lightness and happiness permeated through my head and body. I felt like a hippie, my eyes glazed over and I was grinning like the village idiot...oh happy days!

Can you tell I was already high here? Yeah baby yeah!

So the gas and the invaluable yoga ball were my main tools of pain relief. Husband dear tried hard not to laugh, I believe, when I started breathing in the gas and bouncing on the ball during a contraction. The speed at which I would bounce was in direct relation to how intense the pain got and the height of the contraction, I was humping that ball like a dog in heat with my head lolling in rythm with my ridiculous bouncing.

I had stated in my birth plan that I was open to trying pain medication like an epidural sometime during labour but not until I deem it absolutely necessary. You know lah, first time mothers to be, can be quite gung ho about trying to give birth au naturell. I'm not sure if I regret putting that down since I did manage it epidural-less but that was mainly because the midwives were very reluctant to administer it to me. They watched me get through my contractions and kept telling me how impressed they were at my breathing techniques and how I got through each contraction so calmly (according to husband, I screamed only once throughout the 15 hours of intense labour and that scream came only at the last push I gave before Emmi emerged). I did not feel calm, I do not even remember not screaming. In Sweden, they seem to strongly encourage the natural way of things and to medicate as little as possible so since the midwives realised I could handle the pain, they kept putting off administering me any other pain relief until it was too late for an epidural. Hai...I guess it was a good thing since I can now say with great pride that I could handle the pain of labour granted I am high on laughing gas.

In the end, as I pushed this little bear out into the world, husband took on the job of holding on to the gas and pushing it into my face at the beginning of every contraction so I could breath it in and PUSH PUSH PUSH! But I have to say, I was super pissed at my contractions. For some strange reason, my contractions actually got shorter so all the progress I made during a contraction pretty much disappeared. It was like taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back and even through the fog of gas and pain, I could tell my small audience of 2 midwives, 1 nursing assistant and husband were a little frustrated that the little bear kept disappearing back up the birth canal. And boy was I pissed cos I could actually feel her emerge but then slip back in the moment the contraction ended. What the hell??!

But my frustration did not last long since I would almost immediately doze off when the contractions tapered off and only wake up when another began and husband pushing the mask into my face. So I felt high and euphoric but at the same time, it was like all I felt were contractions and the baby playing peek a boo down south. Little bear got stuck...twice..big face and shoulders you see, and when things got the most painful, the midwife actually stopped the gas. My gas! My dear dear friend! Gone! And I was left to fend for myself cos the midwife thought I was getting a little too high and me falling asleep in between contractions was not very good. So in the end, I got nothing...bloody nothing! Well, except a little baby girl who came out looking red, squashed and very grumpy. But she filled out nicely in the next few hours and is beautiful and not alienish at all!

Just minutes old and she already looks pissed at the world.

And here at a few hours old, when she managed to fill out a little and not look so squashed together and grumpy.

Little bear and mummy, who eyes are still glazed over and the village idiot grin still has not left her face...thanks to the gas.

So now I've joined the all exclusive club of motherhood where sleep deprivation, ear piercing screams and the feeling of not enough hours in a day are a daily routine. The baby is almost constantly in need of my attention and when she is calm, it's either the husband or the cat that demands it.Hai..well, what to do when everyone wants a piece of my meat.

As my sister in law told me, Welcome to my world.

When the little bear is calm and usually sleepy.

My little bear at 4 weeks old.

Anxiously waiting..

Baby is due next Sunday. I can't believe I no longer have to use number of day or weeks or months to refer to my due date anymore. Of course it's up to the baby when it wants to come but to us the date 6th September is like a holy date full of excitement, anticipation and fear.

What an anti-climax it would be if the baby decided to come much later rather than sooner. haha!

I've begun wondering sometimes what the baby will look like and looking at other mixed race babies (usually Thai- Swedish) and wondering if my baby will look like that. I've seen 2 young mixed children that have fairly dark skin with blond hair and I wonder if my baby would turn out like that. To be honest, I would much prefer my child to have fair skin than blond hair. It just looks so strange when someone has such dark, island people like skin (like those rangers I met on a nature reserve island in Thailand), sporting blond hair. Granted the blond is not super light but streaked with brown but it still looks so strange and unnatural.

One also wonders about the temperament of the baby. Will it be a quiet, content baby that is easy to take care of or one that is fussy and crying all the time for the smallest thing? My mum said that I was an easy child to take care of, a great travel baby (I sound like an accessory) and basically slept and ate my way through early infanthood. Husband dear, on the other hand, was a little rougher on his mum. He was a cry baby who would awaken at the slightest noise (he still does that) and feeding time was a chore. Hmmm...I wonder who our baby will follow.

It's getting more and more difficult walking around and sometimes I get hit by painful cramps, regardless of where I am or what I am doing. I dread going to bed at night or even taking naps or anything that involves me lying in bed cos it hurts to shift positions in bed or even getting out of bed and there are nights when I simply cannot move my legs cos it hurts so much. Thank goodness for my dear husband who literally has to move my legs for me and pull me out of bed or into a new position. I truly admire and feel sorry for those pregnant women out there who have to do this alone. I can't wait for this pregnancy to be over and hopefully for the pains to go away sooner rather than later.

What if my pains don't go away even after the birth?? What if it takes FOREVER for me to feel better? That is something that I dare not think about. I don't even dare to think too much about the labour and birth. All I know is I am going to try my hardest to keep an open mind, be receptive to suggestions and advice and be willing to try almost anything to get through it.

I'm quite glad to have my parents around right now, to be in the company of others during the day and to be taken care of and given advice on what to do or what to expect before, during and after the birth.

It's such a crappy, rainy day today and it is the day of the annual Autum market in Askersund. I feel sorry for the people who are selling their wares in the pissy weather today. I will certainly go down there to walk around and have a look, maybe buy a few things I don't need but it would have been so much more pleasant with at least some sun or at least no rain.

Weather sucks today.

Food galore...ironically it's Ramadan.

It's Ramadan now...started 2 days ago. And yet it's all food galore in the Sjöberg flat with my mak and ayah around.

Feel a tinge of sorry for husband dear since he may not necessarily appreciate the food that we love and that I ask for but then again, how often am I gonna have my mother around to cook all my Singapore favourites? He totally understands and takes it all in stride. On days when we eat something spicy that he can't take like sambal tumis, poor husband has to content himself with eating white rice with fried fish. And when rice is not something he wants that day, I'll make him burgers or mashed potatoes and beef which my dad enjoys as much too.

So last night, mother dear made me mee siam, something I had been craving for for months now. She claims that she made a lot (looking at it, I seriously doubted) since it was just me and my dad who will be eating the bulk of it but come lunch time today, mee siam was gone and dad was asking, what else is there to eat? So here is the breakdown of what we have eaten or are going to eat today...and note, it's only 3pm now.

Fried rice with turkey salami followed by mee siam. Dear 'ol dad was drinking the mee siam gravy like it was soup. 10 minutes, dear 'ol dad came waddling by and shyly asked mother dearest, anything else to eat? Hee hee!

So now mother dear is frying some prata and making sambal ikan bilis and we have just discussed on what to cook for dinner tonight. It will be beef lemak, fried anchovies n eggs and fried vegetables...mmmm...so nice! Husband dear would certainly NOT agree but then again the man is working late tonight so we Singaporeans will be enjoying ourselves tonight! Woo hoo!

Right now, I'm trying to come up with a list of good, spicy foods to eat BEFORE baby arrives (which can be anytime, who knows) since it will be all bland, soupy food afterwards for at least 3 weeks postpartum. Unfortunately, for some reason my mind is all blank except for sambal tumis, asam pedas and mee siam. Hai...but thanks to facebook, friends have helped in suggesting good things to eat! And the list is growing! Woo hoo hoo!

Ooh! Prata is ready, time to go and makan!

Not sure what to do

Last night was one of the roughest nights I've had in a while. Had such pains in my hips and my entire pubic bone area that I could not move my legs on my own. The pains shooting up my entire body sent me HOWLING in pain. But not moving was not pleasant either since the baby decided to move at the same time and NOT in a comfortable way. AT THE SAME TIME, my right wrist was causing me grief and I could hardly support myself on it so shuffling in bed became an almost impossibility.

I could not lie down, I could not sit up and I could not control my breathing. Everything I was taught in my breathing classes went out the window. Not because I forgot what to do but because I just could not stop hyperventilating enough to take in a deep breathe. I still don't know why I could not stop hyperventilating. I knew I needed to and I knew I wanted to but everytime I tried, a new wave of pain overcame me and all I could do was suck in another shallow breathe and moan.

That worries me a little.

What if it is like that when I am in real labour? What if I can't control my breathing enough to be able to take in a deep breathe? It's easy to do it when one is not in real pain but last night, I failed miserably when it truly mattered. Husband dear tried to help me by breathing slowly along with my pain to remind me on how I should be doing it but as much as I tried to follow him, I just COULD NOT take a deep breathe. I know I was not panicking and I know I was not scared of what was happening to me because for some reason, something inside me was saying this was not the real thing. But at the same time, I just could not get past the pain enough to breathe.

I NEED TO BREATHE!!

Husband was worried enough to want to call the hospital but I knew better. I did not know what to do but calling the hospital was not one of them. This was NOT the start of labour but just my body preparing and adjusting for it even if it means torturing me in the process. And yes, it did feel like torture. It was like being paralyzed but still able to feel every excruciating pain that went through my pubic bone area, lower back, my hips and inner thighs. I wonder if this is what they call Braxton-Hicks contractions? I'm not sure but if that was a little mini taste of what is to come, I feel unprepared.

For some reason though, the pains in my wrists especially the right one causes me the most frustration. My back pains, hip and pubic bone aches and even difficulty walking don't cause me even half of the frustration that the shooting pains up my wrist does. There have times which seems to come more often now that I can't towel dry or comb my own hair, spread cream on my face or body and I don't even bother writing anything anymore.

When is this going to end??? It feels so close and yet so far. I feel tired all the time and the aches and pains never seem to leave me alone. I hate having to get up and walk once I've sat down cos it's just so painful to move my legs and shuffle them forward step by step. At the same time I feel guilty for making everyone around me, even my sick old dad, do all the work and walking and carrying.

Guilt, frustration and pain is NOT a great combination. Please come out soon, baby...mama needs some relief.

Rough night

Couldn't get much sleep last night because of cramps and weird uncomfortable sensations in the tummy. Everytime I try and change position it hurts like hell in the pubic bone and I can actually feel the baby literally flop over to the other side which I can tell you is NOT a great feeling. I feel like my insides are being moved around everytime the baby does a flop like that or starts squirming around, something it's started doing more and more. My wrists swell up and ache in the mornings and I have to try and move my fingers and wrists in order to get some sort of mobility back in my wrists but the pain never really goes away. Wearing the wrist support does not help much in terms of pain relief, it only hinders my movements even more. Right now I am at a point where I can't write anymore although typing and using the mouse is alright. I can hold the pen but moving it and applying pressure to write just causes too much pain.

I can't wait for this to be over but at the same time I want to extend and cherish the time I still have alone with dear husband for as long as I can. Such dilemma! But I know it's not up to me anyway. The baby will come when it is ready which can be anytime now although I am due in less than 2 and a half weeks!

I keep reading that around this time the baby is supposed to be sleeping more and not move so much but it seems my baby is a little of a rule breaker. It moves around more often than not and hiccups even more often. The hiccups are not even small, cute little quiverings but big ass, full hearted hiccups that shake the entire tummy. Seems like I won't be left much alone anymore since the baby likes to make its presence known to me.

I have finally gotten around to packing my hospital bag but only managed to do it halfway. It really does look like I'm moving somewhere with at least 3 bags packed so far. One bag for the baby, one for me and husband and a third for the drinks and food we will bring along. Unlike hospitals in Singapore where it's relatively easy to find food at the foodcourt or even the minimart within hospital grounds, hospitals here seem to underestimate the importance of foodcourts and minimarts nearby. One needs to leave the hospital and actually search for a foodmart at a gas station if necessary. They don't even have vending machines! Strange but true...I have yet to find a single vending machine at a hospital. Ironically, the only time that I have seen a vending machine is at the exit of a supermarket.

Sometimes Sweden does not make sense to me.

The time is a-coming..

Less than 2 and a half weeks to my due date and time seems to be moving at warp speed. It's probably due in part to my parents being here so I have company during the day and in part to me trying not to think too much about the impending event that is to change my life FOREVER.

Of course husband and I are anxious to meet our little one, boy or girl, and to hold it in our arms and be able to see the tiny little thing that has been causing me such grief for the past 9 months. I have yet to pack my bag for the hospital and I'm not sure why. Everytime I start thinking about packing a nagging little voice in my head keeps saying, nah..you still have some time to pack, don't worry about it! And so my bag stands empty in my room. I keep saying I'm gonna pack I'm gonna pack but I just can't seem to get around to doing it. I'm not stressed or anxious that I'm unprepared for the hospital, I'm not even thinking about it so much now. I don't know why but I'm not thinking too much about the labour process. Sure I'm nervous about how it will be like and the pain that is to come but it doesn't scare me. I'm not in a state of mind where I think it won't hurt so bad or that I'm being overly positive about the whole thing. It's just that I guess this whole thing still hasn't quite hit me yet.

Maybe that is it. It still (even after 9 months) has not hit me that my baby is now full term and at any time, I can go into labour and a baby is to emerge at the end of it all. I see the baby cot, we've already picked up our baby pram, the car seat is standing at attention in its corner, we've gotten our first pack of baby diapers and all the baby clothes are folded and neatly stacked up. And yet, I'm walking around with this voice in my head going, there's still time, there's still time..don't worry about it. Is there something wrong with me?

I know the husband is really excited and anxious and nervous. He rubs my tummy every so often, talks to the baby when it starts moving too much so I can't sleep and smiles that wonderful smile that lights up his eyes and I know that he is happy. This morning I woke up with bad leg cramps. when husband dear came into the room and asked what was wrong and I mumbled, 'Bad leg cramps', his expression changed and he asked, 'Are you sure it's birth cramps?'. Amidst my pain, I had to look up in wonder and repeated, Bad LEG cramps. What did you think I said?? To which he replied, Oooh, I thought you said birth like cramps. You know, you should speak more clearly cos at this point in time, all I'm thinking is if you're in labour. Hai...my dear husband and his concerns.

Life is pretty good right now and for that I am grateful. And YET, I still can't get it into my head that in no more than a month (most likely less), I will be a mother. I don't know what the heck I am doing, I don't know what kind of mother I'm going to be and can only pray that I show I love my child enough that it will not hate me when it gets older. I know I'm just being paranoid and the worry wart that I am but that is me and I'm not sure I can ever change that.

Now we just play the waiting game and look forward to new life and new beginnings.

Parents in Sweden I

At the airport waiting for parents to come out. We got a little bored waiting so started interviewing ourselves.

Super short video of dad coming out cos Mathias couldn't keep professional and continue rolling!

Our first walk around Askersund where dad got to try out his rollerwalker which we managed to borrow for his 2 month stay. He calls his walker his 'best friend'.

Week 35 and counting down...

Technically it is week 34 and 3 days today and counting...baby is just growing and growing and soon it will be time for it to come meet the world. Found out during a routine check that my blood sugar level is a little too high for comfort and so I have now been put on a strict low sugar diet which means no soda, no juice, no cookies and goodies and not even juice or bananas. Added to that I'm told to cut down on white bread, rice, pasta and potatoes and up the intake of wholemeal products.

So I've been really good and have not consumed any white bread (unless you count the one burger I had) have gone wholemeal bread crazy (which explains the frequent business dealings with tubby my toilet friend and have resorted to eating Special K cereal for breakfast instead of toast. I've sadly said my goodbyes to bananas and and gone cold turkey on the juice (which I used to love with breakfast). Hai...never mind...only about 5 more weeks to go before I can indulge. Husband is supposed to make things easier by going on the diet with me but he's not much support seeing how highly addicted he is to all things sweet (including me!)

When we were on holiday in Gothenburg at week 30 plus 2 days. That was also when I discovered my first stretchmarks.

At week 31 plus 6 days.

and now at week 34 and 3 days..plus a whole lot of stretchmarks.

I'm glad my waist has been spared a great deal of expansion so most of the growth has been outward and not all around.

Does that sound like a boy tummy or a girl tummy to you?

Clueless and Confused

Yesterday I spent a day with a new friend I made recently who's also expecting and due about a month after me. She is only 22 years old and expecting her 2nd child and it's great fun to hang out with someone who's NOT over 50 years old. I don't usually enjoy hanging out with young Swedes, to be honest, especially those in their late teens and early 20s cos we have absolutely nothing in common and most of the ones I've met so far have been quite self centred and have a bored with the world attitude.

Anyway, with Carolin it is very different probably due to the fact that she is already a mother and is also heavily pregnant like me. Plus the fact that unlike most other Swedes I've met (especially those under 65 years), she's quite open and not afraid to talk about herself or ask me questions about myself. Conversation just flows a lot better when both parties are willing to share and talk freely. So apart from Jessica, M's sister, Carolin has been helping me loads with trying to figure out what I more I will need for the baby and especially what to think about come winter time since me being the tropical island girl that I am, I am absolutely CLUELESS about what is needed and what the baby should wear and how many of these jackets and coveralls etc I need since they cost a bomb and then some. It was also thanks to Carolin that I realised yesterday that I have completely forgotten to get any pants for the baby. I have 2 pair of pants that we had gotten from Jessica but they are too big for a newborn. So my baby has no pants when it comes home from the hospital and no pants for the first few weeks of its life! Hai... I feel so silly and stupid. One tends to focus so much on the big things like baby cot and tub and blankets that something as simple as pants gets overlooked. Even husband dear did not think of pants.

My poor baby... so now we'll have to go shopping (again) to look for pants and with the clock just ticking by (only 5 more weeks!) I feel this crazy sense of urgency to get pants. PANTS PANTS PANTS! (Can you tell I'm starting to get a little obsessive?)

Ok, moving away from the pants issue (which is a SUPER BIG deal to me..), hanging out with Carolin and her son has given me new perspective of how one takes care of a child which is TOTALLY different from what I've been used to. And I'm not talking about discipline or attitude or anything bombastic like that but the simple things like feeding and sleeping and sitting in the pram.

Something I've always wondered since I found out I was pregnant was milk powder. It was and actually still is very difficult for me to pick out milk powder because it's not called baby milk powder in Sweden plus there are only 4 (tho I've only seen 2) to choose from. Unlike in Singapore where there a thousand options to choose from and the baby or toddler drinks milk warm, people here feed their babies with the milk from powder only if they cannot breastfeed. Hmmm...that's a new thought. So I asked Carolin what kind of milk do you feed the baby when it gets to a few months then? And she says, fresh full cream milk...drunk cold.

Hmm...I feel so ignorant cos I don't know what are the effects of warm milk versus cold milk on a baby. I've always thought warm is better for the system but mothers here feed their babies with cold fresh milk and something else called välling to which nobody has been able to properly explain to me what it is. All I know is that välling is a nutritious drink containing all the essential vitamins etc that you feed the baby with. Call me silly but that sounds a lot like what baby's milk from a powder but no...they insist that it is not milk but something else they cannot explain.

Ooookeeeyyy.....so no milk powder here but they have milk substitutes (mjölkersättning) which one uses onlyif one cannot breastfeed or välling...an indescribable drink (that resembles milk) that is NOT milk but has all the nutrition a baby needs AND fresh full cream milk....drunk cold.

I'm still confused and totally clueless.

I look at the rows and rows of baby food products and drinks and milk and I feel overwhelmed. Not from the variation and choice but from the unfamiliarity of everything. Nothing looks familiar to me and things that I used to take for granted as something that ALL babies use (like milk powder) is simply something else here and I'm still not sure which.

People here look at me funny or give me blank stares when I ask seemingly stupid, ignorant questions like where's the milk powder? Why do I need to microwave my baby's milk when I can use hot water? Why would I make my baby's milk hours in advance, put it in the fridge and microwave it when I need it when I can use hot water? What do I do when my baby has gas in its tummy? Is there an oil or medicine to relive the wind in its tummy?

Are those not valid questions, especially from someone who never grew up in Sweden and is unaccustomed to well...the customs of child rearing here?

Something else I'm unaccustomed to is the fact that when you know a child is tired, you either cut short the trip and go home early (like Jessica) or you let the child cry itself to sleep with nothing soft (like a toy or blanket or pillow) to make itself comfortable and drift off. How come nobody sits down somewhere, feed the baby with milk or whatever it is they have here and lull the baby to sleep so the mother can move on with her day in some level of peace? Is that just me being naive and thinking too textbook? I have yet to see anyone carrying a baby and rocking it to sleep in a public place. Is that a strange thing to do cos i used to do that if needed with my niece? I'm confused.

I'm absolutely NOT saying that their methods are wrong and mine is better cos who is to say what is right and worng when it comes to children? I have yet to test out my ideas on my baby so we'll see how things go but it doesn't take awya from my confusion and feeling of cluelessness. Carolin says just follow my heart and what I think is right and all will be well. Wisest words I've heard coming from a Swede so far.

Do I sound like I'm pummeling Sweden and Swedes in general all the time now? I really don't mean to do that and I don't think that they are all bad. I married a Swede didn't I? And I am happily married. But there are just so many things I don't understand and it's taking a damn long time for me to get my mind around how and why they do the things they do and finally accept that it is the way that it is without reason or explanation and I just have to accept that.

I know things will iron itself out once the baby comes but until then I also know that I will be a nervous wreck, clueless and confused and hoping and wishing that people here would listen to me and not take me so damn seriously, judging me based on what I've said (which is not carved in stone but they think it is) but instead offer advice and opinions for and against and help to make my rocky journey a little smoother.

I'm glad I've found at least one Swedish friend that has been open enough to help me and guide me without strange looks and unfair judgements. But I'm still very much CLUELESS AND CONFUSED.

Rantings of a wretched mother to be II

The weeks pass and symptoms come and go. Winter turned to spring and now summer is here. From a blue cross on a home pregnancy test to mighty kicks directly into my ribs, this baby has grown and become more and more real for me as the weeks pass. And now it is a mere 49 days to my due date. Even then it is not for certain I do have 49 days. The baby can come earlier or later, depending on when it chooses to come. This is completely out of my hands. I won't be the one 'popping' the baby out when it is time, neither can I cross my legs and hold it in till I feel ready to be a mother. It just doesn't work that way. All I know for sure is that there is a baby that can come anytime in the next few weeks and I am nervous as hell. No, I haven't even started thinking about the labour and delivery (that will just drive me nuts) but just trying to envision how my days are going to look like in the very very near future. Even 2 months from now, I will be in a completely different state of mind and body and it is something I cannot fathom yet.

Surprisingly, I haven't even begun imagining what the baby will look like, sound like and be like. I don't envision a small child running towards me, her arms stretched out to hug me and calling me, 'Mummy! Mummy!'. I always thought I would a lot more whimsical about my own baby but apparently not. I look down at my growing tummy and see how it moves with every kick and movement that the baby makes but I still find it hard to see my baby. I feel the pains of pregnancy, I see the consequences of carrying a growing entity inside me (hello, stretchmarks!) and I keep count of the days until it is supposed to come to us but STILL I cannot envision my child! Is there something wrong with me?

I am at the end of my 33rd week and my midwife says it is normal to deliver anytime between week 37 and 42. We haven't begun packing any bags for the hospital yet or written our wish list for the labour process at the hospital. Heck, we haven't even bought a baby tub or towels! If not for my wonderful family sending me a baby care package all the way from Singapore, I doubt I would have bought any of the baby toiletries yet either. I don't know what the heck I'm doing and I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to be doing. There isn't really anybody guiding me or even asking me, Hey have you started getting this or that? The baby needs it for this or that, u know! to get me thinking some more of what the baby needs for it's first few weeks of life. I keep asking myself, what the heck am I doing with a baby? I don't know what's good or bad and husband dear doesn't even know his right from his left sometimes! What are we doing??

Yes, yes I know. No first time parent really know what they're doing and it's a life long learning process. The baby does not come with a manual. I wish it did cos I sure as heck don't have a proper mechanic here to help me out in times of need. My family is too far away to really be there and advise on things and my in laws (be it mum, sis, aunt or grandma in law) just don't seem to be da forthcoming kind when it comes to advice on things. It's not that they don't want to give me advice but I think it's just the Swedish way. You don't offer help and advice until you're asked. Which means I have to ask specific questions before I can get any answers. How to ask questions if I don't know what I am supposed to ask about? Husband dear says I am the worrying kind and I should really just take it easy. He's probably right but I just cannot seem to shake off this feeling of helplessness and loneliness as I embark on this journey called motherhood in a foreign land, with foreign traditions and ways of thought and a very alien system of intricate government policies and grants that I am supposed to be entitled to but is so complicated that even husband gets confused.

Just as the arrival of this baby is out of my control, I also sometimes feel like I'm falling down an abyss when it comes to raising my child. How do I stop myself from feeling so helpless and unhelped when I don't know many people here and the relationship I have with those I do know are on such a superficial level? I don't like my doctor, I don't trust my midwife and I don't even want to approach the medical system here if I can help it because I have lost faith in it.

But to be fair, I'm not sure how different I would be feeling if I was living in Singapore. I don't know if my experience with the doctors and midwives would be any better either and who knows how my relationships with friends would change or not with me being married and now pregnant. Of all my closest friends, I am the first to have a child. I hope I haven't and will not change much when the baby does come and I officially become a mum. Things are changing so much and so quickly as it is, I don't want to ever feel like I've changed too much too. Enough with the changes already! I want some quiet down time now.

Right...too late for that now.

**to be honest, I think this is also to a large extent hormones that is causing all this emotional upheaval within me. I'm really not this depressing all the time. I can be quite fun and I have not lost the gift of laughter...yet. :D

Rainbow muffins!

It's midsummer's day tomorrow and we have been invited to sis in law, Jessica's place for a little midsummer party cum nephew's 3rd birthday.

And as it is a potluck party, I have been given the task of bringing something good and sweet (what else right? Not like I can bring nasi lemak with sambal. hehehheh). Me being me, I'm of cos not going to bring just one thing, I need variety! So I'll bring my chocolate mini melts as well plus for a little asian touch and as per request of sis in law, I'm bringing a malay snack called layang-layang which translated means kite. It's not the authentic layang-layang that requires making the dough, rolling it out and shaping it. No, I'm going the super shortcut way of using popiah skin, rolling it into love letters, cutting those up and deep frying them after which I dust powdered sugar on. Sounds strange but it's oh so good!

So apart from those, I've also decided to bake some mini muffins and after getting some inspiration from another baking blog, I give you my rainbow mini muffins!

They are quite small, about half the size of normal muffins for the cute factor and so that it would be finger food size.

I love that it is so colourful which gives a very summery feel and also appropriate for a small kid's party. Even the inside is colourful which baffles the husband (da man dunno anything abt baking lah) cos he thought I had painted the muffin surface. I think it gives a nice lively surprise when u bite into it.

How to resist a muffin pile like that right? Mmmm....

This was the first time I tried making the muffins this way so next time I will try to make the green darker and am thinking of adding in a blue layer since I just got blue food colouring last night. These muffins are just plain vanilla muffins cos the main focus of this muffin should be the happy colours but I think next time I will add more vanilla extract for a fiercer flavour.

Will take pictures of the potluck food table tomorrow to show. Hope it's good and not just strange swedish food. Well, at least I will have my muffins to fall back on. heh heh...

Mummy update

This is the most recent picture of me and my growing tummy at 29 weeks plus 2 days (how time flies). Extremely recent since I just took this picture 5 minutes ago. Like I said, I cannot depend on husband dearest to take any pictures of me. He is probably da LOUSIEST man to depend on when it comes to taking pictures. Even when it is to document the journey of his BEAUTIFUL (or so he claims) wife through this gestation period of our firstborn. Haiyoh...so irritating when I have to remind him all the time to take picture. This means that all my pictures are posed so no candid shots which are so much more fun. But then again, the man is not Singaporean. I should be more understanding. I'll try ok? I'll trrrryyyy....

Oh gosh, I'm getting to be humongous! No wonder tossing in bed is difficult!

I've also decided to start documenting the development of my swollen feet. I think I have been lucky since my feet have only just begun to swell. I've seen some women who sadly for them begin swelling WAAAY too early. My heart goes out to those ladies. Ugh! I hate the swelling and the fluid retention.

Not so bad right? But I can tell that my toes look a little bloated. And this is just the beginning!!

Apart from the fact that it does not look attractive in any way at all, it can also be very very uncomfortable and sometimes hurt. My fingers I suspect are very slowly but sneakily swelling because they hurt like hell especially in the mornings. I can hardly grip anything so i have a tendency of dropping the toothpaste tube and the bar of soap numerous times in the morning (luckily I'm not in prison) which is HIGHLY annoying seeing how bending over is getting to be more and more of a challenge these days. Even tossing and turning in bed is getting to be a challenge. Ugh! Everything is more of a challenge now. This baby better appreciate mummy and all she had to go through for 9 months. Haa.....

Fearsome FIL

Parenthood is something that scares everyone, especially first time mothers and fathers. The idea that I am fully responsible for the physical, psychological and mental development of this child I carry for the next 20 years freaks me out sometimes. And I know it's a natural reaction and sentiment and it will probably remain in the back of my mind for the next 2 decades at least.

So many things that da husband and I need to consider when it comes to our ideas of how we want to raise our baby. The fact that we come from 2 very different cultural backgrounds and that we practice a minority religion in this country that even his family is not a part of creates a whole new spectrum of complicated. We've had many of such discussions with each other of cos and we do agree on most things. One of the issues I face right now is not that the husband and I are of different minds when it comes to parenting. It has more to do with my fearsome FIL.

My FIL is a man whose character and personality is such that it has a tendency of overpowering a room. He is a man of good intentions and has many great points but he is also of strong opinion and is not afraid to let you know what they are. I've always known that about him and I also know that he is a man I do not want to cross on a bad foot. He has a rather bad habit unfortunately of thinking that his opinions, although usually very sensible and down to earth, are the right ones and may not be able to accept that others may have a different view of things. I've accepted all these sides of my FIL and for the most part, it has been a fairly harmonious relationship. There have been a few incidents where FIL expressed his lack of understanding and to some degree, acceptance of our way of life and this is especially when he has had a drink too many. And knowing that I am the very reason why the husband lives the way he does now makes these discussions or rather chastisements (it feels to me anyway) very uncomfortable and rather sensitive for me. However, these incidents are few and far between and I learn to get past them so that we can all continue to live a harmonious life. It's all about give and take, right?

But of late, it seems that FIL has gotten even more set in his opinions and a little more vocal about them, regardless of whether he is completely sober or not. And the scariest thing about this is that these opinions seems to centre more and more around our baby. Now, I dare not make any jokes that have anything to do with the baby or my pregnancy when he is within hearing distance bcos he seems to take everything so seriously now. It's as if he can joke about it but nobody else, not even me or da husband who happen to be the parents of the child, is allowed to. And this can be very troubling for me, the hormonally overcharged, hyper sensitive pregnant woman who can cry over anything.

Jokes or lack thereof aside, I get the sense that FIL is getting more and more protective of his grandchild the closer it gets to the delivery date. I may be very wrong but this is just a gut feeling. Take for instance last Saturday when they came over to our apartment for a small dinner party. As we showed my in laws the things we received from my family, the FIL became more and more vocal about his ideas on how we should treat the baby. You cannot this and you cannot that, he would say. Even though his own mother (who was also there) had done the same things and he was actually chastising his mum for doing such old school things that should not be allowed in the first place. Nobody in modern society does that anymore cos it's so barbaric, he said. And the worst thing about it is that I actually plan on doing those very things he has forbidden us to do (yes, he actually used the word 'forbidden') although of cos I did not say.

And what was this barbaric thing that is so awful to inflict on babies? Wrapping them up tight into a bundle with a blanket. I might be completely wrong in the way I'm thinking but isn't the reason why people do that is to keep the baby warm and ensure the baby feels secure without anyone having to hold it? But to FIL, this is equivalent to putting on a straightjacket on a child which is absolutely unacceptable. Oh gosh, I wonder if there will a clash of the Titans if FIL ever sees how my mother will teach me to take care of the baby.

Now, these are very small matters that I hope will blow over and become no big deal once the baby is born. But one never knows and I worry. But my biggest worry and that is da husband's big concern as well is the discussion and possibly argument that will ensue if we have a boy and the time comes for us to circumcise the baby. The circumcision of our son (be it for this child or any future children we may have) is not a point of debate or consideration. We are not at a stage where we are considering whether to go ahead with it or not. We know, in accordance with our religion, it will be done and we just hope for the respect and acceptance of da husband's family. But both da husband and I are afraid that we will not get either the respect or the acceptance of FIL when it comes to this matter. It was a big discussion when da husband decided to go through with it but seeing the trend that FIL is going in terms of his protectiveness of this baby, I wonder to what extent the discussion and argument will go.

I want da husband to tell his parents and have an open discussion with them before the baby is born in case it is a boy. But we are both afraid of that discussion and have been trying to delay it as far as we can. And we both agree that this will be a discussion where I will NOT be present just in case so as to spare me any unpleasantries.

I'm not sure if my in laws, esp FIL, have considered at all the fact that their daughter in law was not brought up in this environment and culture and therefore the values and practices that I may teach my child may be vastly different from they consider to be the norm. And I hope and pray that they will keep a conscious effort to at least respect our lifestyle and practices and maintain that when our child is with them. But these are things da husband knows he will eventually have to bring up to them.

I'm just afraid of when that day comes. Who knows, I might want to move farther away from them after that. I am so nervous and feel like I'm treading on thin ice as it is when I'm around FIL, what more after a deep discussion like that?

Dinner party baking

Had a little dinner party last night with MIL, FIL and husband's grandparents in conjunction with the annual Jazz festival in Askersund. Not that I remembered the jazz festival due to my poor memory nowadays and the pissy weather we have been having. Anyway, I suggested to husband that we invite some people (ie. his family. Who else do I know in this GH town right?) over simply bcos I had the biggest urge to bake a whole cake and it would be crazy to bake one just for the 2 of us. I wanted to do the works for the cake...frosting, vanilla cream, fruits and berries..so I did! I love summertime cos that is when all the fresh fruits and berries come out. Woo hoo!

Apart from the main cake, I also wanted to try making what I call chocolate mini melts, which are basically very small bite sized pieces of sponge cake (they call it sockerkaka here or sugar cake) dipped in chocolate ganache and topped with a piece of fruit or berry. Warning: High calorie alert! These sweet wonders are not for the weak hearted.

Chocolate Mini Melts

I used a simple sponge cake recipe and just cut out the shapes I wanted using a small cookie cutter.

Then dipped them in the ganache and let it set for a minute or two before pouring a little more ganache over the top to get a shinier glaze on top.

Then chilled it in the fridge so that the ganache can set.

Chocolate Ganache:-
1 cup double cream (told you it was rich)
1 cup dark chocolate (can use any type of baking chocolate but this is not as sweet which I prefer)
2-3 tbsp butter (can use more. It makes the ganache shiny. Who doesn't like shiny, right?)
a few tbsp sugar (depending on how sweet you want the ganache to be)

Use a blender or food processor and blend chocolate and butter together.

Heat cream and sugar in a small saucepan until simmering but not boiling.
With the blender at low speed, pour the hot cream mixture over the chocolate mixture and blend until the chocolate has melted (this would be really quick).
Do not over blend or over handle the chocolate as it would lose its shine.
If mixture is too thin for your purpose, chill it in the fridge until it is at the right consistency.

And on to my main event, the frosted cake!! Used the same sugar cake recipe for the cake base and my fluffy white frosting to seal the deal.

Stage 1: I sliced the cake in half so i could sneak in a layer of home made vanilla cream and berries in the middle. It just makes the cake all that juicier and tastier.

Doesn't it look good enough to eat already? Hai...cannot wait.

Stage 2: Placed the cake top on and with haphazard precision, smothered my white frosting on the top. At this point, I could not decide whether to just frost the top as is or frost the whole thing. It's already so pretty and ready to eat as is!! DILEMMA!

Stage 3: After much discussion and heated debate, decided to finish off the work I started and Voila! A beautiful fruit cake that is sinfully delish!

Baking Inspiration

I haven't been feeling all too fantastic these past few days and I think the pains in my leg and hips are coming back (HORRORS!!) but the good thing is that much of the pain comes at night so I'm left alone during the daytime. Which is a great thing cos then I get into the mood to indulge in my favourite past time...baking.

The weather has been pissy rain all week and it just feels nice and homely to have a warm kitchen filled with the smell of freshly baked bread, cakes, muffins or cookies. And a few days ago while grocery shopping, I stumbled upon a box of frosting tubes that was just the thing I had been looking for. This would allow me to actually decorate and write letters on my cakes! YAY!

And so started my baking inspiration. To top it all off, I finally found a frosting recipe for cakes that did ask for a kilo of frosting sugar cos those kinds of frostings are so sweet they make me sick. And I also found a new way to decorate my cookies that did not add sweetness to the already sweet sugar cookies.

So exciting!! After making sure I had all I needed and gaining further inspiration from a fellow cooking enthusiast's beautifully done blog, I was ready to BAKE!! And for once, I shall NOT be lazy and actually post the recipe as well. I told you, I was INSPIRED!

I decided to make 2 creations yesterday since one recipe required 2 egg yolks and the other asked for 2 egg whites, so why not right?? Must be smart about this (plus I got all this time on my hands). But to be truly honest, this egg issue only came about cos I had the itchy fingers to frost yesterday. So instead of wasting 2 egg whites just because I wanted frosted cookies, I decided to start off with chocolate muffins TOPPED with white frosting (that solved the egg white issue) and fresh strawberries. I tweaked the original muffin recipe a little and left out all the extra chocolate pieces that were supposed to go in for 2 reasons, 1: I realised I had run out of baking chocolate (husband dear is a heavy user and occasionally dips into my stash) and 2: since I was gonna have frosting on top, one comes to a point where too much sweetness has to be stopped. But I've put down the original recipe below just in case you do want to go into chocolate shock. Hey, I've done it.

Chocolatey Chocolate Muffins (makes abt 8)

1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/4 cup rice flour
1/4 plain flour
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 eggs, lightly beaten
60g butter, melted
60g good quality white chocolate, finely chopped
12 chocolate balls (I usually use Lindt balls)
icing sugar, to serve

Preheat oven 180 degrees C and line muffin tray with paper cases.
Sift together cocoa powder, rice and plain flour and combine it with brown sugar in a medium sized bowl.
Make a well in the centre and add eggs and melted butter, gently stir until well combined.
Stir in chopped white chocolate (you can add in nuts too if you want).
Fill each muffin case 1/3 of the way, place a chocolate ball in the centre of the case then spoon more of the mixture tocompletely cover the ball.
(The muffin will rise a little so make sure not to over fill the case)
Bake for 20-25 minutes or until the tops of the muffins are firm to touch.
Cool for 15 minutes in the pan.
Dust with icing sugar and serve warm or at room temperature.

As for the actual white icing, I used the Fluffy White Frosting recipe below:-
1 cup white sugar
1/3 cup water
1/4 tsp cream of tartar
2 egg whites
1 tsp vanilla extract

In a small saucepan, stir together sugar, water and cream of tartar.
Cook over medium high heat until sugar is dissolved amd mixture is bubbly.
Whip the egg whites and vanilla to soft peaks.
Gradually add sugar mixture while whipping constantly (this is where I ADORE my KitchenAid) until stiff peaks form, about 7-10 minutes.

Granted, my hands are not the most steady and my frosting technique is greatly lacking (for right now), I still think my muffins look pretty damn tasty. But this was just the side order, the small fry, the easy peasy recipe leading up to my main star, the Frosted Sugar Cookies.

Making the sugar cookie is straightforward enough with the basic sugar cookie recipe:-
2/3 cup shortening (I used butter)
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 tsp grated lemon or orange zest
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 egg
4 tsp milk
2 cups flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt

Cream the shortening, sugar, zest and vanilla thoroughly.

Add in egg and beat until light and fluffy.
Add in milk and mix.
Sift the dry ingredients together and blend into the creamed mixture


Divide the dough in half, wrap each half in baking paper and slightly flatten.
Refrigerate for 1 hour or if you're in a hurry, place in the freezer for 20 minutes.

Roll out the dough but not too thin, about 1/4 inch thick (otherwise cookie gets too crispy) on a lightly floured surface and cut into shapes.
Transfer to a greased cookie sheet and paint on the cookie glaze with a soft bristle brush.
Bake at 180 degrees C for approximately 6 minutes. DO NOT allow to brown.
Allow to cool on cookie sheet for a few minutes before transfering to a wire rack (cookie is VERY soft in the beginning)

Egg Yolk Glaze (recipe is for 1 colour)
1 egg yolk
1 tsp water
2-3 drops food colouring (depending on how dark you want it to be)

Mix everything together and go nuts!

Here is the husband, enthusiastically working his creative side.

One requires a gentle touch and stroke to ensure one does not damage the pre baked cookies.

His idea of funky cookies. Can you find his Zorro emblem? That is his favourite apparently.

These are MY cookies fresh out of the oven. They're not very pretty yet but hey, even supermodels need some time after a shower.

Finally, my pride and joy!
The finished products that husband and I decorated. Can you tell who did which cookie? Hint: He only got to decorate 2 cookies.

A close up of the day's winners:

A dedication to our unborn baby, be it boy or girl.

One of the cookies husband got to decorate. Guess which one?

Cookies for the MIL and FIL who are to be farmor (father's mother) and farfar (father's father). It's in Swedish, in case you haven't caught on.

And finally cookies decorated for husband's beloved grandparents, Sven-Olof and Inger.

Care Package Drama Part 1!

My family is Singapore is excited and enthusiastic about this baby. And even though my mother with her inability to express real emotions openly tries to keep a cool and almost nonchalant demeanour about da pregnancy and baby, I know she's da most excited.

Why?

Bcos many moons ago, my mother decided to send a baby package so that her grandchild will have everything it needs when it comes. She asked me what i didn't have here in Sweden for da baby and seeing how I haven't had much babystuff contact since having moved here, I just mentioned stuff I would want for da baby but haven't seen. So apparently the list was extensive enough for my first brother, da grouch (that is really his nickname amongst us siblings), to call me one fine day (which NEVER happens unless it's of GRAVE importance) and ask me, You live in Africa is it?? How come they don't have so many things?

As it turns out, my mother engaged da help of my beloved sister in law (da grouch's wife who is FAR from a grouchess which to me makes them da ultra odd couple..anyway..) to get da stuff tat I mentioned and some other things that my mother thinks I would need. So with their combined powers, they went on a mini shopping spree, my mother in Sg and my sis in law in KL. And to my brother's amazement, they packed together about 4 boxes worth of things for me.

4! He said. 4 boxes to send to Sweden! That was of cos said to my mother after which he suggested sending me money instead cos it wil be lighter and hassle free. Of cos I was surprised they had gotten so much stuff and I told my mother she didn't have to send me so many things cos it would be very costly to ship them over.

But my mother, from whom I inherited my stubborn nature, said no she wants to send da stuff regardless of cost cos HER grandchild will get whatever it needs because she will not be there. Aaawww...so sweet right? This coming from my stoic-ish mother is very touching but I cannot show emo also...that would be disastrous. My relationship with my mother rests on a thin thread based on a fine balancing act. One never goes too extreme in emotions or da whole thing will just be a mess and neither one will know what to do. So for the sake of convenience. we always go da middle way.

My mum told me she will compromise and not send AS MUCH as she had intended and managed to repack into 2 boxes instead with da help of my sis in law. So for da past 6 or 8 weeks, I have been waiting anxiously for my packages to arrive to see what wonders behold.

I received my care packages yesterday and not without drama. But here are the treasures I found in the bigger box alone.

I got everything from milk powder for expectant mothers to baby lotions to baby clothes, towels, mittens and booties!

I LOVE Johnsons & Johnsons products. They smell oh so lovely. The way babies should smell. Turns out Sweden does have J&J products but they are marketed under a different brand name and the smell not quite the same.

Am loving da baby bodysuits which I haven't really seen much of around here. The bodysuits are usually pants-less.

Thank you to my WONDERFUL family who with their powers combined managed to send over all these things to welcome the new baby with. I know the baby is VERY appreciative cos it has been kicking me no end from last night. :D

Pizza Monster

Yesterday was a very lazy day for husband and I. Da husband had managed to sleep about 9 hours in total in the past 48 or 56 hours cos he went to some big Rock Festival that took him and his friends 5 hours to drive to, ONE WAY. He left at 6.30am Saturday morning and came back about 7am on Sunday and had not slept a wink.

Being da faithful wife that I am, I tried to stay up as late as I could Saturday night just so that when he came back on Sunday, I would be able to sleep in late with da husband cos he is a light sleeper and I did not want to be awake and clattering about when he was trying to sleep.

I'm such a loyal wife, right? ;D Bwahaha!

So anyway, neither one of us had the energy to think about lunch and I certainly was in no shape to cook cos I could hardly move around with the pains in my body that day. The best alternative was of cos PIZZA!

In Sweden, pizza is one of the favourite fastfoods of the common people along with burgers and kebabs. And unlike in Singapore where it comes in small, medium or large, pizzas in Sweden come in only 2 sizes, normal or family size. My entire time living here, I had only eaten the normal size pizza and I have learnt that a normal size pizza is the portion that Swedes consider suitable for 1-2 persons even though it is the size of a LARGE pizza in Singapore. The fact that da pizzas here are thin crust makes up for that discrepancy, I guess.

But yesterday, husband dear wanted enough pizza so that there would be leftovers for dinner so instead of thinking, hey let's get the normal pizza and eat less so we'd have leftovers, he decided to get a family size pizza.

I did not follow the man to the pizzeria but even without opening the box, I realised what a monster of a pizza this one was. And when I opened it, this was what I found inside...

One side of the pizza box is longer than my arm!

My gorilla hand could not even cover one eighth of the pizza. MASSIVE!

To prove that Swedes love their pizzas here, husband told me the only question our pizza guy asked him as he handed over the massive pizzabox and the man's response to husband's reply.

Pizza guy: Is there going to be 4 of you today?
Husband: Nope. Just me and da wife but we wanted enough pizza to last 2 meals.
Pizza guy: (understanding and winking with da thumbs up sign) Excellent idea!

He did not even flinch or consider it strange that 2 people can consume this Frankenstein pizza over only 2 meals. I wonder how big a family this pizza could feed in other countries.